Pretty shortly you may be be embarking on the fun and games that is the new school term and with that comes the school run.
The school run will become just a tiny party of your daily routine whether you are a working mum or a stay at home mum, and if your child is starting at school for the first time the one thing that you are sure to notice is the different kinds of "School Run Mums" that you'll encounter along the way.
These women/men are all brilliant because for each other own personalities and they each individually will bring a different dynamic to your experience as a school mum.
And here is my light hearted take on the school mums you might meet along the way...
1. The Buggy Mummy...
of which there are two kinds, the regular buggy kind of mum (your Maclaren / Bugaboo type) and the running buggy mummy (you know the ones that are bigger than a semi-detached house and take up half the playground). These women are the women who really should be working in the army in the surveillance department - they are always scanning the playground for little Henry who's run off in one direction whilst maintaining ta conversation albeit always a bit harassed but somehow always manages to see an accident before it's even happened whilst franticly doing lunge pushes with baby Catherine in the buggy.
2. The PTA Mum...
these are the types of mums who approach you when it comes to the school fair, are far too enthusiastic about the school, who know every single teacher by their first name and always guarantee to make you feel like poo and the laziest school mum in the world when you turn down their offer to be a class rep as if it's the greatest job role you'll ever be offered.
3. The Shouty Mum...
is the one you cannot avoid. She has the most amazing booming voice and can be heard the other side of the playground. No need to ear wig on any juicy gossip around her because lets face it - everyone can hear her. She's also bloody good fun on a night out.
4. The S**t I'm F**king Late Mum...
we love this type of mum. She is always running through the school gate late making us feel brilliant and totally with it as lets face it when we are shouting and stressing about getting to school on time you can always guarantee that your kids will never be as late as The S**t I'm F**king Late Mum. God bless her and her lateness.
5. The Hasn't Got A Bloody Clue Mum...
now she is normally the same mum as The S**t I'm F**king Late Mum. She hasn't got her s**t together and she knows it and quite frankly she doesn't give a hoot and we love her for this. She's always the one who'll be asking "what time the school show starts" on the class WhatsApp despite there being a whole thread of conversation less than 24 hours ago.
6. The Super Mum...
These are the mums that leave you wondering "how the hell does she do it?!?". She manages to have incredible hair, a face full of natural make up done by 7am, her crew are in school early, her kids have a belly full of organic porridge in them and immaculately stupidly complicated plaits in their hair, she's already done an hour of sunrise yoga all before school in time to head off for a spot of volunteering on the PTA and heading home to make a four tiered unicorn cake. Her kids go to every single after school club on the planet and she manages to be in three places at once. She is also the one who without fail nails every single World Book Day with home-made non shop bought outfits. Seriously how does she do it? She's mildly irritating and doesn't understand how the "S**t I'm F**king Late Mum sleeps at night.
7. The Active Wear Mums...
Now these mums only wear lycra - the Sweaty Betty matching type of get up and co-ordinated black trainers and a cap, the always wear a cap, and a face full of make up. What? Wait. A face full of make up. Yes because they never actually go to the gym to fully utilise their active wear they just wear it to give the illusion that they are off to the gym whilst making the non gym goers feel guilty. These women then secretly go home and dunk biscuits whilst watch Lorraine followed by Jeremy Kyle or head to the local trendy cafe for a glass of pressed vegetables and a smashed avocado on toast. Whilst we might mock them they are the ones wearing super comfy in leggings and trainers.
8. The "Squad" Mums...
an exclusive number of school mums, normally the glamorous ones (they look amazing all the time - I mean come on!!), who go on "invite only" school mums night out without inviting the rest of the school mums to really trendy destinations and post boomerangs of them clinking glasses whilst being pleasant enough make you very aware that you'll never be part of the squad. Walk away you can never compete and that's ok. Normally friends with The Active Wear Mums.
9. The Wholesome Mums...
usually seen in Boden or Joules giving their kids organic sugar free treats as an after school snack whilst making you feel that you really should get round to re-evaluating your child's snack choices as you whip out a packet of buttons or a pack of Hula Hoops. This type of mums kid is always at least one or two reading levels above your child and always manages to enrol their child on wholesome after school activities that you never even heard of. These mums aren't much fun on school nights out as they normally drive, politely decline your offer of a g&t and smile pleasantly at you whilst you down your fourth g&t all whilst they are questioning whether you are in fact a secret alcoholic.
10. The Working Mum...
these mums rush in and out whilst conducting a call to the China office, usually in corporate work attire with perfect hair. She rarely comes out on school nights out as she's normally abroad on business and has a slightly nervous looking foreign au pair picking up the kids at school pick up.
So, the question is which one are you? I'm most definitely a combination of a few of them, I'm a mix of the always late mum, the mum who has not a clue what's going on, I'm a class rep who loves to wear active wear and I also consider myself to be a bit of a working super mum - ha ha! I have to say that at our school there is a definitely a combination of mums with one of two of the above but all of them are good fun and you'll see that at your child's school, embrace them all, get to know them and hopefully like me you'll make one or two good school run mum friends along the way.
Good luck and go forth for the school run days ahead of us....
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